“Breakup hurts a lot but have you…” we all have seen such memes and they make us laugh. But no matter how much fun we have looking at those memes, the truth remains unchanged that breakup hurts A LOT. No matter if it’s your first or 3rd it always hurts for different reasons. It’s like all hell break loose. It’s like that fear coming true which you never wanted. But not to worry, we’ve got your back. The following are the things that should help you get over a breakup!
Writing it out in a diary
Writing is a very good method of letting out your thoughts. You don’t have to think much about handwriting, properly framed sentences, the trick is to write down whatever comes to the mind (or even doodle in between). The logic behind this is, we think much faster than we speak/write. Thus, mere thinking can lead to us cooking up stories in our heads and reaching conclusions before we can process information. We think faster than we process. When we write, we’re allowing one thought at a time and our brain gets time to process it.
Writing is the best way to vent when either nobody is available or you do not want to discuss your issue with anyone at the moment. It works when you’re either hesitant or embarrassed about your emotions and you feel like being aware of them before someone else knows them.
Venting to your friends/ Talking it out
In the first point, we discussed why letting it out is important. Sometimes, mere letting it out isn’t enough, we need some feedback or just the presence of someone we love. Talking to friends feels very warming and makes you feel belonged. It’s always better to take the help of your besties/homies during this difficult time.
The most fun part to get over a breakup is putting the breakup songs in your playlist to use. This can really help. There is a common but wrong notion that certain activities can only be done if one is in the mood. The reality is, it works both ways, a certain activity can in turn impact your mood too.
If you’re out partying with your friends or people whose company you like a lot or even go solo, will cheer you up. This works best after you’ve followed the above steps. You’ve let it all out, now you want to fill yourself in with party and energy and the feelings of being a free spirit.
Seeking A Therapist
Going to a therapist does not only mean that you failed miserably at handling yourself or something so bad has happened that you had to resort to this. Many people are afraid of seeking professional help because of the various notions that are attached to it like “you have to have a mental problem”, “you have to be depressed”, “something should be totally wrong with you”, etc. whereas the reality is you can seek a therapist when you feel you need to or if you’re in a condition or in an emotional problem where a friend(s)/ family or any guidance, either isn’t available or isn’t of any help.
Making A Journal
To record the difference of things you are able to do now, the achievements you made, and of you before and after the relationship. This will help you see all the positives after ending your relationship (it may turn out that it was a toxic relationship afterall) and will motivate you and make you feel confident about your decision.
Various self-help books, or books of your favourite genre, or the ones you will like to read will help you escape the pain from your breakup. Reading provides a different world and keeps your mind distracted. Build a reading habit and see the change within you.
Make goals and make achievements
Make goals and achievements in different areas of your life. Working towards making changes is going to give you that feeling of empowerment, that you are doing something to take yourself out of a bad place.
Always remembers, every change comes with a lot of unsettling just the way water becomes calm only after a lot of trembling. And life is like that pond, where stones of different shapes and sizes would be thrown time after time, so there’ll be different kinds of trembling each time.
Mark Manson explains in his famous book “The Subtle art of not giving a fuck” that happiness and problems are not two different situations rather they’re a part of a process. Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded. For example, When you solve your health problem by buying a gym membership, you create new problems, like having to get up early. Happiness comes from solving problems, the keyword being “solving”.
The same way, getting out of that relationship is a process, slowly and gradually. There are going to be days when you’ll be at a high, then lows, then mixed but the key is to continue trying some of the other ways (some of which are mentioned in this post). At different moments, different things are going to work for you, whereas on some days partying might work for you, some days you’ll have to vent, or reading it is going to be on some. There is no one sure shot remedy for getting over a breakup, rather a mixture of different things you do out of which the main is to understand and deal with your emotions.
Read Also: A guide to identifying and dealing with your insecurities.